ladyxoc (ladyxoc) wrote,

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Caught red-pawed, you little bastard.

I am curled up on the loveseat thingy on the balcony, reading a mystery. I feel the railing shake. The cats run to the sliding door and look past me, wide-eyed. I whip around and see Bilbo Fucking Baggins digging in my windowbox. He has one of the fern roots I planted gripped between his teeth like some treetop retriever, getting ready to make off with the goods.

"FREEZE YOU BASTARD!" I shout. He freezes. I leap up, shouting, "AND DROP THE FERN! JUST DROP IT RIGHT NOW!" He drops and flees.

Oh, hooray. Free entertainment for the neighbors.

And you know, I put out PEANUTS IN THE SHELL FROM VIRGINIA for him. I have a squirrel feeder just for his fat little Al Capone ass. Perverse little monster. That's gratitude for ya.


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